To the patient I seen this morning;
Thank you so much for pointing out my weight gain to me. That must be why my clothes are a little tighter… I hadn’t realized, so thanks for that.
Ok seriously, Who thinks it is ever ok to look at someone you don’t know very well and say “oooh girl, are you gaining weight?” Yea, that happened this morning. I honestly just looked at her and didn’t know what to say. The only things I could think of I couldn’t say out loud if I want to keep my job. So yea, I’m venting here instead.
Now, to be honest no, I actually haven’t gained weight in a while, I just haven’t been able to lose any either. I weigh the same as I did after having my son. I am 5’3” and about 170 lbs. Yes, I am aware that I am overweight. You really don’t have to point it out.
So let me tell you what you did to me this morning Mrs. Patient who can’t mind her own business. After you left, I had to walk away to cry in the bathroom.
Look, I struggle with my weight. I have always struggled with my weight. I struggle with loving myself, I have self-esteem issues and very poor self-image. I have a hard time looking in a mirror everyday and not crying because I don’t like what I see there. I struggle with depression and anxiety. Which has only gotten worse since my pregnancy weight gain.
When I was in high school, I was convinced that the world would be better off without me, I thought about suicide on a regular basis, and that all stemmed from this horrible opinion I had of myself, because I wasn’t stick thin and I didn’t think I was pretty enough, or smart enough or just good enough in general. At that time I was at 115 lbs. Yes, I was convinced I was huge. Largely because I had been bullied a lot. I let other people ruin my self-esteem and make me feel worthless. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized that all those horribly mean people were wrong.
I have been working on these feelings for the last couple of years. I have been trying really hard to learn to love myself as I am, and focus less on my body and more on healing my mind. I am a work in progress, and until this morning I was doing pretty good. I was feeling a little more confident and was in a much happier mood than I used to be.
Now, I’m not so sure how I’m doing. I feel like this one question has set me back. I am trying really hard to put it out of my mind and stop dwelling on it but no mater what I do I keep going back to it. All of my insecurities are invading my thoughts all at the same time and I can’t just shut it down. Its like I know not to listen to them. I know I should ignore it. I know that I need to be positive, but the problem is that knowing all this or not doesn’t mean you can just turn it off. I only wish it were that easy.
People. Think before you speak. And for gods sake use your friggin’ manners! It is never ok to comment on someone’s weight. Especially if you don’t really know the person. One, it is none of your damn business. Two, you don’t know what they are going through, and that’s also none of your damn business. And three, you don’t know how people are going to react to what you say, your small but rude question could literally ruin someone’s entire day.
And to anyone in my position, please try not to let other people’s stupidity and poor manners get to you. They clearly were not raised to be polite, caring people.
Sorry everyone for the rant, I was seriously bothered by this and I needed to get it out of my system. So for those who actually read all the way to the bottom, thank you.